I want to buy my husband's brother and sister-in-law some new fudpucker t-shirts for their nineteenth wedding anniversary. You see, he proposed to her at the snack bar in the original Fudpucker Barside Gallery in Destin back in 1982 and we've celebrated the event by buying them new matching Fud t-shirts every year since. Unfortunately, we've almost run out of Fud t-shirt designs that we can get for them. In fact, the only one that we haven't given them so far is the Tequila shirt (you know, the one with the slogan, “helping ugly people have sex since 1982”). Well, as you can imagine, they're both a bit on the homely side. Do you think it would be tacky to give them a shirt with a slogan that hits so close to home? If so, what other choices do I have?
Anita
Hand
Greensboro, NC
<%=Rs("AskWhoWhereFrom")%>
<%=Rs("AskAnswer")%>
Dear
Anita,
Aaaaargh! Ye show yerself
to be a deeply carin' and
thoughtful person! If it was
me family, though, I'd figger
they had a good enough sense
of humor and jus' give them
the shirt! Of course, as ye
can see from me picture above,
we've all been blessed with
pretty good looks! If ye want
to play it safe, though, ye
can wait a little while longer
an' we'll be rollin' out some
new designs real soon. Although
they're s'posed to be a secret,
I'll let ye know that they
don't say nothin' 'bout bein'
ugly. So, rest easy! An' remember:
it's the thought that counts.
- TheCap'n
Dear
Captain Fud
My
wife has become an Internet shopping
addict. It started out simple enough:
some books, some toys for the dogs,
and a collection of disco tunes on CD.
But, it hasn't stopped there! She recently
found the Fudpucker web site and now
I've got twenty-seven different Fud
t-shirts, a drawer full of Fud keychains,
lighters, and pens, and a closet full
of those cute little fud pelican dolls.
What can I do to get her some help?
If she keeps going, I'm afraid we'll
run out of space to store all of this
stuff!
Overwelmed
in Wilmington
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Dear O.W.,
Aaaaaaargh! Ye think ye gots trouble,
do ye? Well, count yer blessin's!
Imagine if she'd found one of them
web-sites that sells pet rocks,
plastic flamingos, and air freshener…
Think of all of the truly useless
things ye'd have then! I don't mean
to be unsympathetic, but there ye
have it! As me cousin says, “be
happy wi' what ye gots.” And,
if ye have te find more room for
the stuff, sleep in the car!
- TheCap'n
Dear
Captain Fud
We
was surfin' the 'net at work, you know,
during lunch break, and we typed the
name 'Fudpucker' into our search engine.
Well, we musta got eight hundred choices!
I mean, there was everything from an
Airline to a Wrestler. I guess what
we was wondering was, are these people
related to you guys?
Rick
Dorfman & Artie Gooklefarb
Buffalo, NY
<%=Rs("AskWhoWhereFrom")%>
<%=Rs("AskAnswer")%>
Dear Boys,
Arghhh! Ye don't mind getting' a
little person'l with me, do ye,
now? Well, if the truth be told,
some of them 'Fudpucker' folks ye
found are indeed distant relatives
of me cousin's and mine. And, then
agin, some of 'em ain't! Of those
that ain't, some of 'em are friends
of ours and, then agin, some of
'em ain't. Of those that ain't,
some of 'em seems to be nice folks
and, then agin, some of 'em ain't.
Those that ain't nice ain't worth
talkin' 'bout, but whate'r else
ye can say about the o'ers, they're
all a bunch of fudpuckers! And that
makes 'em okay by me and me cousin.
